When the going gets tough, the tough go to Disneyland.

Do we have bad days? Of course we do. It's not all surfing, margaritas, and sunshine out here in CA. Ok, most days it is. However, I just went through a phase where it was hard for me to get out of my pajamas or get off the couch, or not cry. Forget about keeping up with the house. I'm not sure if I was depressed about not getting my job back, typical marriage problems, sassy kids who don't listen all of the time, clutter up the wazoo, or what. Thankfully it was just a short-lived funk. My BFF talked me into going to Disneyland. Turned out to be just what I needed, a day off from thinking. We all had a blast and I was able to refocus myself and realize what's important... namely the kids and not being such a frazzled worrywart about everything. From now on, when the going gets tough, I'm loading the kids up and heading west to see my therapist, Dr. Mickey.

Look at those smiles... how could they not help you feel better?

RIP Oscar Buttercup

The end of January also marked the death of my beloved dog Oscar. Out of all of the pets I've ever owned, Oscar was my favorite. Back when we were just friends and neighbors, Shawn got Oscar for me "to save him from being put down". I quote that because I don't think he was being truthful, I think he just really wanted me to take the dog :) Maybe he knew back then that I needed Oscar as much as he needed me. This poor dog endured being dressed up, paraded around with parrots on his back, frequent cross-country trips, and even an airplane cabin ride full of drunk frat boys on their way to Las Vegas. He was my best friend and my baby before I had babies. I'll miss him.

RIP Joey

My cousin Joey tragically passed away at the too-young age of 46. Note to those with heart problems: if you don't feel good, go to the hospital ASAP, don't wait two days.

A quote from his obituary: "For those of us who knew him, Joe was a gentle soul who was always there, a hand that you could always count on, a shoulder you could lean on and a kind heart that always cared. For those of us who knew him as a family member or a friend, he will be missed more than our words can ever express for now we only hold close to our hearts the fond memories we have of Joe Breuer."

It's so unfortunate that it takes the death of a family member to make people realize how important their family is.

These doves were released during the service to symbolize the release of his soul.

I'm thankful that I had the chance to see and reconnect with family members whom I've grown apart from at the service.

I only wish I had made the effort to see Joey when I moved back to town.

You will be missed.

Sad Update

The photographer said it better than I can. There really are no words for this tragic loss. Our hearts go out to our new family in Delaware. 

www.tanialezakblog.com

Stages of Moving

I wonder if there are stages of moving... something akin to the stages of grief. I can tell that there are definitely some stages involved because I've gone through a gamut of emotions. First came excitement. Then indecision. Then disbelief. More excitement and a little bit of surrealism and some extreme sadness. With only 4 days to go, I feel like I've entered the stage where I just want to puke. Hopefully this stage is followed by something nice like elation, relaxation, joy, or contentment. 

Unfortunately, I'm afraid that the only stages I'll be able to experience once I get there are the "holy crap, it's fucking hot here!"and "holy crap, why did we bring so much stuff?" stage. 

I'm Going To Need More Pina Coladas

Today reality set in. We're leaving in 11 days. When my sister mentioned that pulling away from the house is going to be the hardest part... I lost it. This has been hard on all of us. No matter how much I've wanted to leave the last 12 years, part of me still loves Kansas.

I am still excited to go, however. The thought of sitting by the pool having a margarita with Jen or going shopping with Mayda or Mom or Kelly or having dad come over helping us with the house (whenever we get one!) are all very motivating reasons. Having someone to always play SingStar with sounds like fun too :) No matter how much I want to go, it's still just really hard. Shawn says I'm not allowed to complain because this is what we decided to do. I'll just suck it up, have a pina colada, and enjoy the ride.

Packing Up

Today I'm packing up my classroom and it's really hard. I keep thinking of all the times I was so frustrated with the kids or the system in general to try and make it not so bad. However, I've had some awfully good times in this room and times where I felt like I was actually contributing to something greater than myself.

I think back to when I first started this job and how Laura half-begged me to come work here. She told me how awesome her job was and how I'd love it. She was right. I've reminded myself since to always listen to her when she has advice or reccomendations!

Anyway, one of the first things I remembered seeing was a poster in the stairwell that read "Sometimes what you get turns out to be better than what you wanted in the first place". The poster was right. I wanted a job in a upper class, easy school where discipline wasn't the biggest issue and kids were willing to learn. However, I took a job in a school where poverty, abuse, neglect, and hunger are prevalent. But you know what? It turned out to be better than what I wanted in the first place. I truly think it's better to help the kids who need me and I'm so glad I took this job. I will miss it tremendously and I will think about "my" kids often.

R.I.P. Chloe Belle

Today I did one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I thought resigning from my job yesterday was hard! I had to put my first baby, my dog, down. Shawn went to let her in to eat this morning and she couldn't use her hind legs. She was also having trouble breathing. We took her to the vet as soon as they opened and the prognosis was grim. After a battery of tests they found that she had cancer. Her insides were filled with tumors. The vet reassured us that there was no way we could have known since it was all internal and that dogs are notorious for hiding their illnesses. She went quickly, like before the doctor even finished pushing down the plunger of the syringe. I held on to her the whole time.We took her brother Levi to see her one last time so he wouldn't look for her and it broke my heart when he nudged her nose. This is a sad, sad day :( I feel horribly guilty for not spending as much time with her as I should have :(